So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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