I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize