5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
