i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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