apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
