stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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