Don't you send me to vm
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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