Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
