Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize