im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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