Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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