If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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