I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
