my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
