We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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