my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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