dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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