I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
