Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
