So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
