Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
