my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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