I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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