Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

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  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (3089) Bad night (854)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.

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  (207): there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW. http://tfl.nu/2lyk
  Replies (11) Good night (2121) Bad night (512)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date

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  (413): He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date http://tfl.nu/21qw
  Replies (58) Good night (1177) Bad night (5689)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick

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  (217): i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick http://tfl.nu/rn55
  Replies (5) Good night (5606) Bad night (978)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.

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  (309): My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead. http://tfl.nu/49y2
  Replies (14) Good night (1499) Bad night (5265)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.

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  (772): He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days. http://tfl.nu/gr0g
  Replies (14) Good night (1567) Bad night (2318)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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  (732): Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve http://tfl.nu/de13
  Replies (4) Good night (4462) Bad night (775)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS

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  (416): DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS http://tfl.nu/59kb
  Replies (8) Good night (2079) Bad night (861)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass

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  (845): I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass http://tfl.nu/26l8
  Replies (8) Good night (1862) Bad night (619)
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  (518): View more from New York

  It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.

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  (518): It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up. http://tfl.nu/6w2h
  Replies (8) Good night (1133) Bad night (1575)
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  (1616): View more from

  I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .

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  (1616): I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit . http://tfl.nu/6sx7
  Replies (8) Good night (519) Bad night (1019)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority

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  (856): He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority http://tfl.nu/8eu2
  Replies (3) Good night (1311) Bad night (336)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.

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  (541): Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/bqm2
  Replies (1) Good night (389) Bad night (233)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?

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  (757): Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window? http://tfl.nu/40u0
  Replies (6) Good night (538) Bad night (205)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets

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  (678): when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets http://tfl.nu/rbr4
  Replies (3) Good night (791) Bad night (253)

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