oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.