I cannot find my penis.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.