would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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