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yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
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