I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
