he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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