i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
