My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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