Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
