The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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