be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
