Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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