I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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