ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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