i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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