What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
