Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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