cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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