so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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