pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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