I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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