Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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