mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
