I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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