I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
