so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
