I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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