no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
