I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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