I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
