What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
