I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
