I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
