Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
