Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I want to make a zoo with you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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