Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
