i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
50% drunk capacity currently
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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