just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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