you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
