I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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