His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
