who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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