I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
