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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
