You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
