She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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