the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
