I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
