i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
