is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
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Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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