youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
