So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
