We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
