Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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